Clean jokes

Taking it all with you.

I was at my mate's place the other day and he told me his wife is an angel.
I said he was a lucky man, mine is still alive.

For some time my wife has had this ridiculous idea that I play too much golf.

It all came to a head at 11.30 last night, she suddenly shouted at me Golf, Golf, Golf, all you ever think about is bloody golf

I will be honest with you, it frightened the life out of me, I mean you don't expect someone to shout at you on the 14th green at 11.30 at night do you

A man walks into a Spanish restaurant after a big bull fight. He looks at the menu for a bit and spots ‘meatballs del toro’. So he calls the waiter over and orders this plate. Later, two giant, steaming meatballs come out atop a large plate of spaghetti. Best meatballs the man has ever had. He leaves feeling very satisfied.

Weeks later, after another big bull fight the man is at the same restaurant and seeing the success of his last dish, he orders it again. Like before, two enormous meatballs are presented on a large plate of spaghetti and are even better then before. The man leaves the restaurant with a big tip and wants to go back.

A couple weeks later he does, already knowing what he wants to order. This time, his ‘meatballs del toro’ are two measly, scrawny balls of meat on the plate of spaghetti. He asks the waiter, “¿What’s wrong with my meatballs, they’re usually humongous and steaming?”.
The waiter replies, “Oh señor, the matador, he don’t always win."