Does loyalty in marriage pay dividends?

[MrBurns]

Seriously I am with everyone here (except Mr Burns). (Also, couldn't resist the Fred Flinstone thing).

Rather than hate and checking on phones etc. maybe look at yourself, go to gym to get fit. See what you can do to smooth it over. A holiday perhaps, but I would have the holiday on an island where you can relax and can talk to others as well.

The affair may have been to improve her self esteem or just boredom or maybe she has no real aims in life. Maybe you could help resolve these in other ways. She didn't leave you. It's not hopeless. Try to work it out without bitterness and hopefully with love.

I know it would hurt. If it happened to me I would be upset but give her a chance.
You need to discuss it with her showing you are hurt butr without too much anger.

Go to the gym and get fit,????????????? you must be joking the woman has cheated on him for 4 years, who the hell would want to try to win her back, it's a damn disgrace and the man should get as far away as possible from her.

 

[MrBurns]

Rubbish.

A man can be deeply in love with his wife, dedicated to her and the family, yet still succumb to temptation elsewhere. Happens on overseas work trips all the time. Most marriages that have run their course over the decades include a little side dish at least once.

It happened, you need to move past that. In my mind it was probably better you never knew, but now that it has spilled out you decide that either 1) she knows to admit the mistake to herself, correct her actions and refocus back on the marriage or 2) she can't do these things in which case you can't change her mind and move on.

Thats crap and a cop out of an excuse to play around, if a man loves his wife he wouldnt even dream of it.

Most marriages that have run their course over the decades include a little side dish at least once.

LOL where do you live...... in a sit com ?

 

[Knobby22]

LOL where do you live...... in a sit com ?

LOL Is the Flintstones a sitcom? Sort of.
Is The Simpsons a sitcom? It has some things in common.

 

[Prospector]

Rubbish. A man can be deeply in love with his wife, dedicated to her and the family, yet still succumb to temptation elsewhere. Happens on overseas work trips all the time. Most marriages that have run their course over the decades include a little side dish at least once.

What rot!

Thats crap and a cop out of an excuse to play around, if a man loves his wife he wouldnt even dream of it. LOL where do you live...... in a sit com ?

:iagree:

 

[MrBurns]

I think we know how people lead their lives on how they post in this thread

Gee that shut all the understanding blokes up

 

[Sir Osisofliver]

I think we know how people lead their lives on how they post in this thread

Hey I was JOKING Mr Burns!!! I'd NEVER consider a threesome (Unless Scarlett Johansen happened to be available)

@ MarcArdian - Most marriages that last have a side dish??? Nice generalisation numbnuts. Some of us guys actually give a damn about our wives and wouldn't even consider it.

Sir O

 

[MrBurns]

Hey I was JOKING Mr Burns!!! I'd NEVER consider a threesome (Unless Scarlett Johansen happened to be available)

@ MarcArdian - Most marriages that last have a side dish??? Nice generalisation numbnuts. Some of us guys actually give a damn about our wives and wouldn't even consider it.

Sir O

I dont think it's a matter of you considering it's more like how the hell would you find 2 that would be in it

As far as the side dish goes perhaps his wife might like a side dish with a 60% asset parting gift as desert, yuk that one up

 

[tech/a]

Rubbish.

A man can be deeply in love with his wife, dedicated to her and the family, yet still succumb to temptation elsewhere. Happens on overseas work trips all the time. Most marriages that have run their course over the decades include a little side dish at least once.

It happened, you need to move past that. In my mind it was probably better you never knew, but now that it has spilled out you decide that either 1) she knows to admit the mistake to herself, correct her actions and refocus back on the marriage or 2) she can't do these things in which case you can't change her mind and move on.

Which part of IVE FOUND was it that you didnt understand?

 

[nomore4s]

Go to the gym and get fit,????????????? you must be joking the woman has cheated on him for 4 years, who the hell would want to try to win her back, it's a damn disgrace and the man should get as far away as possible from her.

I agree, 4 years isn't just a fling, that's a full blown relationship on the side imo.

I'd be doing what I said in the first place - F-ing her off and getting a new dog but it's never that easy when you're in the middle of it!

 

[Buster]

Hey ASF'ers..

Wow.. deep stuff for this forum.. Interesting though.

She didn't leave you. It's not hopeless. Try to work it out without bitterness and hopefully with love.

Hmmm.. Yes.. and why not I wonder?? Obviously the other 'man' (doesn't sound right does it, I guess we are conditioned only for 'the other woman'..) is not able to fulfill some other aspect that she requires.

She's obviously hanging around for some reason, noting that your health concern is only recent and the affair has been going on for some time I'd tip it's not that you were old and frail and she was simply waiting for you to pop your clogs and then live happily ever after with your assets..

I'd suspect that he is probably not able to keep her in the manner that she may have become accustomed (the material sense)..

Maybe he is also married, if so it might be worthwhile having a chat with his missus and ensure she is fully aware of the 'current situation'. Possibly even give his wife a tap.. probably won't make the situation any better but would have to be good for the ego (and knock some of the wind out of his..)

Regardless, if she's only hanging around because you've got deep pockets and pay the bills I'd be paying her off in a heartbeat..

Unfortunately due to the 'no fault' rule here in Oz, you will take a nasty hit when you part ways..

Personally, I believe that this rule is the root of many of the 'social' problems we have here in Australia.. the fact that your other half can decide that they want to do something different and take you to the cleaners is very very wrong in my book. As soon as you start messing around with anything else , in my view you've broken your 'contract' and forfeit your normal 'entitlements'.. probably a fairly simplistic view, but then I'm a fairly simplistic bloke..

Hope whichever way you go you end up getting it sorted with the minimum of fuss..

Regards,

Buster

 

[MRC & Co]

People are acting like there is some universal rule.

Some who love their partner would never cheat, others would and others do it openly (swingers).

Everybody is different, pretty simple really.

Only you know your situation or can find it out.

My opinion, find out why she did it, if you both want to work it out and then try to sort through the underlying cause (if there is one at all, other than her wanting some excitement).

Tough year, good luck!

 

[theasxgorilla]

People are acting like there is some universal rule.

Some who love their partner would never cheat, others would and others do it openly (swingers).

Everybody is different, pretty simple really.

Only you know your situation or can find it out.

My opinion, find out why she did it, if you both want to work it out and then try to sort through the underlying cause (if there is one at all, other than her wanting some excitement).

Tough year, good luck!

Wise beyond your years MRC & Co. Exactly my point of view. And someone else said something about the "not being a victim" mentality. Very important IMO that one keeps off that slippery slope.

 

[Green08]

I am assuming you're having sex with her again.

Have you ask her if she had anything (of course they say no) ask her to have a blood test and you see the printed results. 4 years is a long time. And your assuming she had one partner in that time, could be a few more.

Some precarious germs can hide for months or years. Watch you phyiscal health as well as your mental one.

 

[ColB]

Originally Posted by ASXGORILLA

"Wise beyond your years MRC & Co. Exactly my point of view. And someone else said something about the "not being a victim" mentality. Very important IMO that one keeps off that slippery slope."

Originally Posted by MRC & Co

"People are acting like there is some universal rule..."

But she has broken the Law of the Jungle! You don't normally see the flowers chasing the Bees

 

[So_Cynical]

Hey McMark your story sounds similar to a guy i met at Sydney airport a few years
ago, he was on the same plane as me heading for the Philippines, he was 52 and
going on his first plane trip ever, going to met his internet girlfriend.

Loyalty in marriage, in fact in any relationship...pays dividends when that loyalty is
respected and reciprocated...your not the problem mate, its the misses...text
messages do not magically disappear.

If u cant live with what she has done...then u need to bite the bullet and make
the hard decisions, i know u weren't expecting this at this time in your life but
u do have to except, and deal with the crap that life throws at u.

Good luck.

 

[Green08]

Loyalty in marriage, in fact in any relationship...pays dividends when that loyalty is
respected and reciprocated...your not the problem mate, its the misses...text
messages do not magically disappear.

You are precise in that So-Cyincal - loyality is respect, trust and reciprocation.

Sounds like the lady is not paying dividends anymore. So what to do with the shares? Professional advise, look at options and perhaps sell out if you can't see positive growth in the future from an investment that has lost value due to its precarious nature.

 

[rustyheela]

you have been betrayed big time. get out, move on, forget her. maybe a one off short term affair is forgiveable - we all make mistakes, heh we r all human, but a 4 year premeditated deception, the lying, avoiding, lack of honesty. wots the point? if someones not happy, cut the bull****, be honest, dont hurt the people that care n F#$% off. lifes to short for that crap, u deserve better than that

and you are better than that!!

 

[CanOz]

Hey McMark your story sounds similar to a guy i met at Sydney airport a few years
ago, he was on the same plane as me heading for the Philippines, he was 52 and
going on his first plane trip ever, going to met his internet girlfriend.

Sounds like a plan right there, pack up and tour Asia for a while. If anything it will clear your mind of other things, that's for darn sure!

Don't fall in love with the first girl you meet though!

CanOz

 

[Green08]

Don't fall in love with the first girl you meet though!

Don't you me LUST! Geez give love at least a week to fall into place:

 

[rustyheela]

touring asia? all those girls will "love u longtime" mr! depends wot part of asia ya talkin, n wot ya "bent" is!!