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The loss of a pet

Nyden

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How does one get over it, or should one even get over it?

One of our pets has recently passed away, and I guess that this was the first pet that I've ever really 'loved' - and my reaction has been quite a shock to me.

Up until recently I guess I've taken him for granted, and didn't realise what an important part he was in my life. Long story short, today I'm just a wreck - guilt, sadness, anger, and just a pile of all else.

I've been feeling incredibly hurt, and am not sure if I should be trying to avoid this, or not.

Well, any tips would be wonderful.
 

Prospector

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Hi Nyden
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved pet. Pets are more than just 'pets' - they worm their way into your hearts and fill a unique space in your life. They give undemanding love.

The only advice I can offer is that eventually you will feel better, but there is no magic pill. Just time. And eventually you will be able to remember all the good times without feeling sad.

All the best.
 
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Sorry to hear that mate. I remember the loss of each of my animals over the last thirty-odd years very keenly. It is a tough thing to go through.

Time heals all is the only advice.

Best wishes
 

Wysiwyg

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The reaction to a permanent loss is variable with each individual and allows the purging of suppressed emotional content during the process. As long as other people aren't being harmed from any manifested anger then it is all cathartic and will duly pass in time. If still 'feeling' the same way after a while (duration of mourning variable) then you have not "accepted" the loss and are still "stuck" in those memories.

I personally took about 3 months to "accept" one particular loss and have never felt that same way with ensuing losses. Letting go can be learned and the common denominator here is 'acceptance'.

:)
 
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I know exactly how you feel. For me it is especially sad when the pet has to be put down and the choice has to be made and initially you have to grapple with the guilt associated with this. Time is the best healer, and you will soon come to terms with the loss, but understandly it is very difficuilt in the early stages :)
 

nomore4s

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Feel for you Nyden, it is always a hard time and process to go through.
 

prawn_86

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As others have said the main 'healer' is time. It may not seem that way now, but you will come to accept it eventually.

Condolences on your loss.
 

Nyden

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What might help if you miss it that much is to get a replacement.

Thank you guys.

Well, eventually - yes, but I feel as though it's important for me to 'grieve' before that. It wouldn't be fair to the next pet, otherwise.
 
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Sorry to hear you have to go through this.

Good help would be to change place for a while like holiday or work away from home, for longer the better.

If you can find somebody who could listen and talk about it with you this would help too.
Every time you say it you remove some pain.
Talk about good times with your pet, funny things that happened, unusual experiences actually anything positive.

If nobody to talk to, talk to us. Not the same as personal contact, but better than nothing.

Try to surround yourself with friends, being alone not good while grieving.
Physical activity seems to take mind away from worries too.

As mentioned few times already, time is the best medicine.

Keep yourself healthy, eat well and try to sleep little bit more than usual as while we sleep, our mind is sorting out things too and right now it will help you.

Sorry I cannot be more of assistance or help.
 
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So sorry to hear about your cat, Nyden : (

They become our little friends

As said, time is the healer.

Take care
 
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We like all pets, although cats have become one of our favorites.

Feel happiness, even in passing, if you know the cat was happy during the time he/she was with you, that is the best you and family could have done.

I know you will miss them, sad, but remember the fond memories ...
 

Julia

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If you can find somebody who could listen and talk about it with you this would help too.
Every time you say it you remove some pain.
Talk about good times with your pet, funny things that happened, unusual experiences actually anything positive.

If nobody to talk to, talk to us. Not the same as personal contact, but better than nothing.

Try to surround yourself with friends, being alone not good while grieving.
Physical activity seems to take mind away from worries too.

As mentioned few times already, time is the best medicine.

Keep yourself healthy, eat well and try to sleep little bit more than usual as while we sleep, our mind is sorting out things too and right now it will help you.

Sorry I cannot be more of assistance or help.
Oh Nyden, I'm so very sorry.

It's now about four months since my Libby died so unexpectedly and at just 6 years old, so I'm really sympathetic to how you are feeling.

What Happy says above was absolutely right for me. I felt so much comfort from the messages received from ASF members, just as you're receiving now.
The very fact that other people - even those whom I only know through cyber space - were so sympathetic and understanding was just a great help.

You don't say if your cat died from old age or you had to make that awful decision to put him/her down. If the latter, then I think we all go through agonies afterwards of wondering if our timing was right. I know I have with my old dogs. It's just that awesome responsibility of when to end their lives, thus acknowledging all they have given to us, and sparing them unnecessary pain or discomfort of really old age.

I have a new puppy arriving this Friday, and I'm almost afraid to have her, in case something untoward happens with her also.

I think our feelings about our pets are deeper than we usually acknowledge and, as you say, we rather take them for granted. That is, until they are
no longer here.

Nyden, the passing of your cat is a really sad event. The sense of loss you are experiencing just reinforces your capacity for love.
If we were unable to feel sadness and loss, we would be pretty inconsequential human beings imo.

Take care and be gentle with yourself. It does get easier as time passes.
All the best.
Julia
 
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My Beloved Little Boy, Tyson "The Boss", Passed away over the week end.

He was a 12 year old Akita X Boxer, I miss him so much.

It's only 7 weeks since my other little Boy Max the cat passed.

It Hurts so bad, It makes me wonder if I will ever get another pet.
 
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My Beloved Little Boy, Tyson "The Boss", Passed away over the week end.

He was a 12 year old Akita X Boxer, I miss him so much.

It's only 7 weeks since my other little Boy Max the cat passed.

It Hurts so bad, It makes me wonder if I will ever get another pet.

Sorry Tysonboss1
My wife reckons I give my animals too much affection.
I lost a boxer x bandog a year ago. Smartest dog I probably ever had.
I inherited his brother from my son who flys in, flys out. So problem solved.

Now Tysonboss1 here is what I think. Because the pets pass on, you should remember all the good times with the particular pet. If you list the good times versus the bad times
its obvious which one will win. If you are married and were virtually in the "doghouse" with her, who came to your side.?(or vice versa if you are female)

Two times I have been laid up in bed for a day or so. Both times my dog come in to check me each hour. They come in, listen to your breath or feel the body heat, then leave.
You can always remember you past pet, while training a new one.
Let the good memories linger.!!
Joea
 

pixel

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My Beloved Little Boy, Tyson "The Boss", Passed away over the week end.

He was a 12 year old Akita X Boxer, I miss him so much.

It's only 7 weeks since my other little Boy Max the cat passed.

It Hurts so bad, It makes me wonder if I will ever get another pet.
Tyson, your post sounds like an echo of the pain we went through a few years ago.

Echo in so many ways:
We too lost both our pets within a short period;
We too had lived with them for 17 years;
And making matters worse, we had to ask a vet to shorten their pain.

You are looking at Pixel, who was my "mate" helping me pick the trades and stay focused on the task at hand. His office chair is still empty, next to mine. In addition to the avatar, I even adopted his name as my nic. Another exho, methinks.

One thing that did help us cope: We took an extended holiday - three months away from home, with new impressions and diversions that made the loss(es) less prominent. Yes, it still hurted when we came home to an "empty nest"; but the memories of their little foibles and purrs and talks took over and made life bearable. It's probably a matter of personal "taste" whether you find it helpful using your late friend's picture as an avatar. It did help me.
 
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I really only wanted to post this photo. Yes, it's real and not tinkered with in any way. There's a heater just out of shot and that's why they're all sitting there to get warm. Note that one cat is resting its head on the dog's front leg and all of them are touching at least one other animal.

Sadly, they've all since passed away. The dog was the hardest one and I'll never forget taking him to the vet to be put down. It took me a long time to get over that one.

As for the cats, the black one lived to be 20 which is pretty old for a cat. All those dunkings in the fish pond might have done her some good after all... (it wasn't a case of trying to catch the fish. She used to sleep in the corner next to it in the sun, roll over and fall in...).

For some positive news, the mouse has just had babies. Six of them in fact.
 

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Julia

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Lovely photo, Smurf. Thanks for posting it.
Yes, the loss of a beloved pet is one of the most difficult times in the lives of all of us who love our animals.

I've always had German Shepherds, all so different in personality, but all wonderful companions.

I'll never forget the kindness of so many ASF members when I was devastated to lose my last girl suddenly when she was only six years old. I still have those PM's I received.

The certain knowledge of the loss is what we all undertake when we acquire our pets and start to love them. I know some people whose dog/cat has eventually died have said they'll not get another animal because they simply can't cope with that awful loss again.

I don't feel that way. I will always miss and treasure the memories of all my beautiful dogs, but am certain the love they gave was well worth the pain of their loss.

And could I just ask that those ASF members who are not animal lovers refrain from making smart or critical comments on this thread. If you don't understand what we're on about, just move on, please.

Hope there will be another dog and/or cat, Smurf.
 
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