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Timmy

white swans need love too
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Given the level of activity on the Rugby League Louts thread ...

 
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The Bank Dick
Universal
1940

CAST:
Egbert Sousé.................... W.C. Fields



J. Frothingham Waterbury...... Russell Hicks ("I want to be honest with you in the worst way!"),

Og Oggilby.............................. Grady Sutton


INT. BLACK PUSSY CAT CAFÉ.

WATERBURY
Pardon me, I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. Waterbury's my name, J. Frothingham Waterbury.

SOUSÉ
Very glad to know you. My name is Sousé, accent grave over the e.

WATERBURY
I'm in the bond and stock business. Now, I have five thousand shares of the Beefsteak Mines in Leapfrog, Nevada, that I want to turn over to your bank. I like this little town and I want to get some contacts, I think you're the very man.
Now, these shares are selling for ten cents a share.

SOUSÉ backs into a table, impaling himself on a fork. Squealing, he removes it.

WATERBURY
Now, these shares are selling for ten cents a share. A telephone company once sold for five cents a share. These shares are twice as expensive, therefore, consequently they'll be twice as valuable. Naturally, you're no dunce. Telephone is now listed at one seventy-three and you can't buy it. Three thousand, four hundred and sixty dollars for every nickel you put into it. The point I'm trying to make is this ””

SOUSÉ takes hat off hatrack, puts it on.

WATERBURY
The point I'm trying to make is, these shares sell for ten cents. It's simple arithmetic ”” if five'll get you ten, ten will get you twenty. Sixteen-cylinder cars, a big home in the city ”” balconies upstairs and down. Home in the country ”” big trees, private golf course, stream running through the rear of the estate. Warm Sunday afternoon, fishing under the cool trees, sipping ice-cold beer.

WATERBURY mimes blowing foam off beer

SOUSÉ
I can almost see the foam, yes.

WATERBURY
Ham and cheese on rye ””

SOUSÉ
With mustard. We have plenty of mustard at the house, yeah.

WATERBURY
Yes. And then this guy comes up the shady drive in an armored car from the bank, and he dumps a whole basket of coupons worth hundreds of thousands of dollars right in your lap. And he says, "Sign here, please, on the dotted line."

SOUSÉ
I'll have a fountain pen by that time.

WATERBURY
And then he's off, to the soft chirping of our little feathered friends in the arboreal dell. That's what these bonds mean.

SOUSÉ
They do, eh?
WATERBURY
I'd rather part with my dear old grandmother's paisley shawl or her wedding ring than part with these bonds.

WATERBURY removes a handkerchief from his pocket, wipes his eyes.

SOUSÉ
It must be tough to lose a paisley shawl.
SOUSÉ takes the handkerchief from WATERBURY and dabs at his eyes in sympathy.

WATERBURY
Gosh! Oh, pardon my language. . . I feel like a dog. But it's now or never. It must be done. So take it or leave it.

SOUSÉ
I'll take it.

WATERBURY
Fine, fine, fine.
* * *

This is where the clip starts



EXT. LOMPOC STREET.

SOUSÉ walks to the bank in a big hurry.

INT. LOMPOC STATE BANK.
SOUSÉ finds OGGILBY in the vault.

SOUSÉ
Og, my boy, I've got you set for life! I don't hang around that Black Pussy Café for nothing. I met a poor fellow who is in trouble. There's something the matter with his grandmother's paisley shawl. He has five thousand shares in the Beefsteak Mine and you can buy them for a handful of hay!

OGGILBY
Hay? And they're worth. . .

SOUSÉ
Ten cents a share. Telephone sold for five cents a share. How would you like something better for ten cents a share? If five gets you ten, ten'll get you twenty. Beautiful home in the country, upstairs and down. Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother's paisley shawl.

OGGILBY
Beer?

SOUSÉ
Beer! Fishing in the stream that runs under the arboreal dell. A man comes up from the bar, dumps three thousand five hundred dollars in your lap for every nickel invested, says to you, "Sign here on the dotted line," and then disappears in the waving fields of alfalfa.

OGGILBY
Gosh! Do you think he was telling the truth?

SOUSÉ
You don't think a man would resort to taradiddle, do you? Why, he sobbed like a child at the very thought of disposing of these shares. How does a bank make its money?

OGGILBY
By investing.

SOUSÉ
That's the point. You don't want to work all your life. Take a chance. Take it while you're young. My uncle, a balloon ascensionist, Effingham Huffnagle, took a chance. He was three miles and a half up in the air. He jumped out of the basket of the balloon and took a chance of alighting on a load of hay.

OGGILBY
Goll-ly! Did he make it?

SOUSÉ
Uh. . . no. He didn't. Had he been a younger man, he probably would've made it. That's the point. Don't wait too long in life.

OGGILBY
I've never done anything like this, and for another thing, I haven't got the money. Of course, my bonus comes due in four days ”” that's five hundred dollars. I could buy 'em then. And then with all that money I made I really might be worthy of your daughter's hand.

SOUSÉ
Women really appreciate the fine things in life. You don't want to die and leave your wife and children paupers, do you? Borrow the five hundred dollars from the bank. You intend to pay it back when your bonus comes due, don't you?

OGGILBY
Oh, sure.

SOUSÉ
Surely. Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a moon-calf! Don't be a jabber-nowl! You're not those, are you?

OGGILBY
No. Well, I guess there's no way you could confuse it with stealing, is there?

SOUSÉ
[Chuckling] Nothing could be more absurd.

OGGILBY
Well, all right, send him in.


motorway

They always want to show how honest they are
in the worst possible way


esp when it involves

Their dear old grandmother's paisley shawl :)


 
Joined
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Still one of my favs, although might help to see the original clip to the song, this one is a ripper,

[Youtube]nTegy6sBQVA[/Youtube]

Have fun, and dance like this when u ever hear this song ! Also wear the leotards and post it here :)

HA HA HA

you have to be kidding me! - do we know who it is - Lol
 
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I couldn't work out whether to put this in the "Brilliant YouTube videos" or "Funny YouTube videos" thread as it qualifies for both.

Not sure if this is true or not but it's hilarious! :D

Warning: some crude language!

 
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A mate sent me this one, Hope you enjoy it.
If only I was creative enough to be in marketing...:D

 
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