Emotional Layers - The Onion Principle
By Chris Joscelyne
Some people are like a raw egg. They have a hard outer exterior, but once their shell is cracked or broken by a stranger, a workmate, a friend, a family member, or by a romantic partner, they start to fall apart.
Some people are like a jelly. They are soft, squishy and easily devoured. They have no emotional barriers and they are easily manipulated and used by others.
Some people are like an onion. Onions thrive emotionally because they have emotional layers and they know who can be allowed access to each layer … when, and under what circumstances.
Onions understand their layers and how much of their emotional selves they can reveal and share with others, without the risk of deep emotional hurt. This protects them, while allowing them to reveal and share their emotional layers in safety as they choose.
The Onion Principle
Layer 1 is the outer layer with smooth protective skin. Outside this layer is the world at large including the people we meet, do business with, work with, and with whom we have social contact.
Layer 2 is the first inner layer. This is for friends, pals and others we know and like.
Layer 3 is the next inner layer. This is for close family members, and close friends we know and trust.
Layer 4 is for romantic, trusting friendship (boyfriend/girlfriend)
Layer 5 is for embarking on a loving long-term relationship
Layer 6 is for the children if the onion is a parent
Layer 7 is for a total partnership of love and commitment
Layer 8 is the innermost layer (the place where your "inner child" lives). It is your most personal, private inner emotional space.
It is important to understand that an onion does not practice universal mistrust of others. That’s unhealthy. An onion is simply a discerning person who knows that emotional layers are precious, and should only be revealed and shared when empathy, trust and understanding have reached a point where it’s safe to go to the next layer with another person. etc