I thought these were good for a laugh.
Traders and Their Lives
It takes a special type of person to be a trader.
Building a house or getting a divorce are the scariest things to happen to a discretionary trader.
Lolly Doerrer, Claremont Capital Management
Futures, February, 1995, p. 67
Here you don't have a title, a plaque on your door or an executive washroom. What you do have is independence.
The Wall Street Journal, March 16, 1983, p. 24
These guys are the hard hats of the financial world.
Anonymous trader quoted in "Never Lose Big"
American Way, January 15, 1993, p. 52
It's very difficult for us to get disability insurance. We're ranked just below sky divers, miners and deep-sea diving instructors.
John Patten, crude oil futures trader
The Wall Street Journal, March 19, 1993, p. A1
For various reasons a commodity trader's career lasts an average of 19 months, less time than most players spend in the National Football League. The difference is that every day is game day in the markets. Traders don't wear helmets and shoulder pads. They wear ear plugs and chew Rolaids, quaff Pepto-Bismol and use Chloraseptic throat spray.
Jeffrey Taylor and Warren Gefler
"Buy (Ouch!) and Sell: The Commodity Pits Can Be Dangerous"
The Wall Street Journal, March 19, 1993, p. A1
"Joe's mother wishes he had a more secure job, but Joe says that he's secure in his decision to scream intelligently for a living.
Donald R. Katz
"The Boys in the Pits"
Esquire, January, 1981, p. 35
To all you aspiring dreamers of trading: I know many of the "big" traders ... and they're a pretty miserable bunch.
Brian Gelber, Trader
Futures, January, 1995, p. 16
Sara Berry, whose husband, Tom, is a trader in the Chicago Board of Trade's Treasury-bond futures pit, must deal with the (hand) signals when her spouse is asleep. She awakens whenever he starts making the hand signals. ‘He doesn't talk in his sleep, he just uses hand signals. If I could figure out what they mean, I would have control over this marriage.' she says.
"Fickle Fingers Flash the Signs of Cash in the Trading Pit."
The Wall Street Journal, May 16, 1995, p. A1
The gravity of the personal stakes involved created a subculture all its own; a cross between the devil-may-care attitude of the blackjack table and the seriousness of the ecclesiastical council.
God in the Pits: Confessions of a Commodities Trader, 1990, p. 173
Sometimes dishonesty has a way of reaping its own reward, as in the case of a trader who was going through a divorce. In order to conceal his assets from his wife and the courts, he maneuvered a significant amount of money into a fellow broker's account. The understanding was that his friend would keep the money until after the divorce settlement and then return it. The friend with the money then proceeded to make a trade with it and lost just a small amount. Naturally, he needed to recover that so he made another trade attempting to recoup the loss. One thing led to another and as anyone might be able to guess, the story had an ironic ending. By the time the shrewd fellow got rid of his wife and returned to get his money, there was not a cent left. How does a friend defend himself in a situation like that? ‘You were going to lose the money to your ex-wife anyway, so what difference does it make?'
God in the Pits: Confessions of a Commodities Trader, 1990, pp. 184-185
A story is told on one of the exchanges about a successful trader who solicited an exchange employee to perform a certain sexual favor for him in the elevator. They stopped the elevator between floors and were so caught up in their sexual encounter that they did not notice the elevator slowly descend to the next floor, where the doors opened to a crowd of impatient people, involuntarily coerced to observe new ways to ride - an elevator, that is. ... It was reputed in this case that a $25 fine was levied for dress code violations.
God in the Pits: Confessions of a Commodities Trader, 1990, pp.ix-x
There was a blizzard raging outside and only a few of the Long Island guys had managed to make it to work ... A trader named Guy was stuck on the ice in his car on a side street and had to pull out the urn in his trunk conveniently housing his grandmother's ashes. Slightly wincing while scattering them under the tires, he reminded himself aloud, ‘She always said for me to do everything I possibly could to get ahead in the business world because that's where the money is.' And the car shot out into the middle of the road.
Play Money, 1991, p. 73
Honey, do you realize that if you would have married Willard, you'd be living in this god-forsaken town, be living in this god-forsaken shack, married to this god-forsaken man? And she said, "No, if I would have married Willard, he'd be president of the Kansas City Board of Trade."
Michael Braude, KCBT President
as quoted in Futures, August, 1997, p. 16
relating a story about their running into his wife's old boyfriend
I know I have trading in my blood because I always feel like I need to be in the crowd, even on my days off. However, I think I'd be happier in the clothing business.
Robert Wolk, options trader
Forbes, January 26, 1998, p. 72.
So who's the best trader you've ever seen? I'll tell you who the best trader ever was, but you certainly aren't going to have heard of him. ... We called him Charlie D. His real name was Charles DiFrancesca. ... He died about a year ago in his thirties. Cancer. But I tell you, no one took his spot in the pit, and he traded up until he died. Coming back to the pit after his first round of chemo, he took off his baseball cap and we all threw our trading cards up and cheered. The pit parted like in the Bible. Nobody ever took his spot on the top step, even when he was dying in the hospital. Wouldn't dare. that was his spot and still is in my mind.
anonymous CBOT floor broker
William D. Falloon
Charlie D.: The Story of the Legendary Bond Trader
Wiley, 1997, pp. 2-5
Despite state-of-the-art technology and the global herding ground, traders are an endangered species. Their most prominent characteristic, which is absolutely basic to everything they do and believe in, is their sense of, and quest for, independence. Like the buffalo, they prefer to run free as they graze in their particular stretch of the financial range.
Women of the Pits
1998, p. ix
The options and stock markets are closed today for Good Friday, and many traders left work early yesterday. 'It was busy in the first hour. It looks like everybody took the rest of the day off. It's only us idiots left here.'
Pacific Stock Exchange options trader
Wall Street Journal, April 2, 1999, p. C12
God is not a commodity trader. The evidence suggests that God doesn't even like commodity traders.
Futures, November, 1999, p. 18.
Options traders can get by with less math than you think. Tour de France cyclists don't need to know how to solve Newton's laws in order to bank around a curve. Indeed, thinking too much about physics while riding or playing tennis may prove a hindrance. But good traders do have to have the patience to understand the essential mechanism of replicating the factors they're trading.
The Journal of Derivatives, Winter 2000, p. 62
No matter what the models say, traders are not machines guided by silicon chips; they are impressionable and imitative; they run in flocks and retreat in hordes.
When Genius Failed: The Rise and Fall of Long-Term Capital Management
New York: Random House, 2000, p. 235
Thanks Don Chance