The Squirrel and The Grasshopper - Aussie Stock Forums

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  1. #1

    Default The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    I just got this in an email and thought some might find it interesting.


    The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    The Squirrel and The Grasshopper


    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

    A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

    The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

    The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

    The Labor Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

    The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

    Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

    In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders,
    for the work he was doing on his home, and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

    The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper.

    Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.

    The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice.

    On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians' apparent love of dogs.

    The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

    Initial moves to make then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.

    The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

    A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it. He is shown to be taking drugs.

    Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness".

    The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia .

    The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

    Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

    A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up.

    Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers.

    Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

    The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia 's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

    The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.

    The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

    They call for the resignation of a minister.

    The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia .

    The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

  2. #2

    Default Re: The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    And another one.


    Socialism Experiment

    An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had once failed an entire class.
    That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

    The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".

    All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

    After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.
    The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

    As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

    The second test average was a D!
    No one was happy.

    When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

    The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
    All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

    Could not be any simpler than that.

    (Please pass this on)

    If somebody is unable to understand THIS explanation, I have serious doubts about their ability to even function in society, much less run our country!

    As the late Adrian Rogers said, "you cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.."

  3. #3

    Default Re: The Squirrel and The Grasshopper


  4. #4

    Default Re: The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    *Standing ovation* *More more more* *Encore*

    "Socialist governments traditionally do make a financial mess. They [socialists] always run out of other people's money. It's quite a characteristic of them." Margaret Thatcher on one of her better days.

  5. #5

    Default Re: The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    great stories!

  6. #6

    Default Re: The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    Someone should shoot Grasshoppers (Ted Bulpitt style)

    Great story and it really feels like sometimes...

  7. #7

    Default Re: The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    Julia Gillard was touring the countryside in her chauffeur-driven commonwealth car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit
    it full on and the car comes to a stop. Julia in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

    'You get out and check - you were driving.'

    The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.

    'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Julia

    Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair
    ruffled with a big grin on his face.

    'My God, what happened to you?' asks Julia

    The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best
    bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.'

    'What on earth did you say?' asks Julia

    'I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: '

    I'm Julia Gillard's chauffeur and I've just run over the old cow.'

  8. #8

    Default Re: The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    This one has been around for awhile but it is golden.


    Only an Aussie could pull this one off

    A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland.

    Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

    The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

    He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test.

    To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.

    The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."

    "I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".

  9. #9

    Default Re: The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

    Found this today!

    I had a *giggle*


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