Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2009 - Aussie Stock Forums

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  1. #1

    Default Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2009

    Ten Thoughts to Ponder
    for 2009

    Number 10

    Life is sexually transmitted.

    Number 9

    Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    Number 8

    Men have two emotions:
    Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

    Number 7

    Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

    Number 6

    Some people are like a Slinky .. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

    Number 5

    Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

    Number 4

    All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.

    Number 3

    Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

    Number 2

    In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    And The Number 1 Thought For 2009:

    We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.

    " Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers.
    What you do today, might Burn Your **** Tomorrow" .
    If your eyes are red cut down on your drinking If you're short of breath cut down on smoking. Apart from that live until you die (James Bond)

  2. #2
    Money can't buy Poverty Glen48's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Default Re: Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2009

    You may wish to ponder why these people are tenants:
    How to complain the British way to the Municipal Council

    These are genuine items from British Council flat (apartment) tenants complaining to their Councils about problems with their rented flats.

    1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

    2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

    4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at
    6 a.m. His cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

    5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

    6. My neighbour's 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

    7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

    8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

    9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

    10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

    11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

    12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

    14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

    16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

    17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

    18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do

    Something about it.

    19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

    20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off

  3. #3

    Default Re: Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2009

    Quote Originally Posted by Glen48 View Post
    You may wish to ponder why these people are tenants:
    How to complain the British way to the Municipal Council
    Broke out into uncontrollable laughter reading this post. Well done!

    lesson of success: always do the opposite of what the norm do.

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